Fox News Anchor Fired for Giggling Every Time She Said "Fair & Balanced."

NEW YORK - Fox News Anchor Donna Fiducia was fired Friday for what Fox News called “inappropriate behavior while reading the news,” Underneath Hollywood learned. Ms. Fiducia couldn’t stop giggling every time she said Fox News was “Fair & Balanced.”

“Fox News is one long commercial for the Republican party,” Ms. Fiducia said. “Yet they kept insisting we say ‘Fair & Balanced.’ Every time I said it, I thought to myself, ‘Yeah, like we’re really fooling anybody.’”

Fox News said its actions were justified. “Millions of people are asked to tow the company line,” Fox News Chairman Roger Ailes said. “Somehow they can do it without giggling, which Ms. Fiducia could not handle.”

Mr. Ailes feels that Ms. Fiducia will eventually get her comeuppance. “Let’s see how much giggling she does while waitressing at TGI-Friday’s and singing cute little birthday songs to 80-year-old women, because she will never anchor the news again!”

Ms. Fiducia is glad to be gone and says Fox News is trying to cover up their conservatism by shoving their neutralism down people’s throats. “When a kid behaves badly and his or her parents enter the room the kid immediately says, ‘I didn’t do it!’ They say that because they did do it. Well, Fox News says they’re ‘Fair & Balanced’ because they’re unfair and partisan.”

Ms. Fiducia mentions that despite being labeled “liberal media” by some, CNN doesn’t have a catchy slogan reminding viewers that they’re non-partisan. “If CNN was insecure in their fairness, they’d end their news cast by saying, ‘CNN, we don’t have a liberal bias, honestly we don’t. In fact, we are offended by the notion. You’re watching CNN.’”

Mr. Ailes says the slogan is a proud affirmation of their unbiased viewpoint. “100% of our conservative audience understands what the slogan represents, which is comforting since 100% of our conservative audience represents 97% of our general audience… and the other 3% are inmates who are forced to watch Fox News as punishment from the evil warden.”

Ms. Fiducia has no plans for the future, though she hopes to avoid getting another job where lying on a regular basis is required.