'Jesus faked his Crucifixion' says Rush Limbaugh

'Those aren't real nails' says fat, odious foul-mouthed, fear-mongering, low-life, drug-addicted scumbag.

Right-wing American shock-jock Rush Limbaugh took time out from his busy schedule of sacrificing chickens and small children to the Dark Lord of Hades, whoring for the Republican party and desperately trying to hide the fact that he is, in fact, everything he professes to hate this morning, to cast doubt on the authenticity of Jesus' crucifixion.

'I don't buy it for a second', spluttered Limbaugh, whilst masturbating furiously over a computer generated picture of George W. Bush in fish-nets and high-heels. 'He's wriggling around on that cross like a spastic worm, arms flapping all over the place. He's faking it. Faking it! He's a professional liar! Those wounds on his hands? Ketchup! Nails through the feet? Bought them in a joke shop! Crown of thorns? Crown of cotton wool more like. Spear through the side? Barely tickled him, the con-artist.'