From the ‘How Big Media Should Question the Candidates’ files

Part I: Fred Thompson

Moderator: Mr. "Hollywood" Freddy Thompson is our guest.

Thompson: Nice to be here.

Moderator: That’s what you think.

Thompson: Uh-oh…

Moderator: You’ve had a very close long-term friendship with a convicted drug dealer and bookie who‘s been flying you around the country on his private jet.

Thompson: [interrupting] Now wait a minute…!

Moderator: You also got yourself a beautiful young trophy wife.

Thompson: It’s true love, I tell ya! It’s true love! Old fashioned values love, the kind that’ll see ya through, the kinda love that my Mammy and Daddy knew…!

Moderator: How did you do it, Mr. Thompson? How did you do it? By packing her nose full of blow? Answer the question!

Thompson: You’re just picking on me because I’m a White Confederate male politically dependent on a backward bumpkin constituency of inbred sheep-humping sheet-heads; and owe my acting career to Hollywooded New Yorker commie Jew mother-hugging writer’s union picket-line-walking godless degenerates who keep a show like Law and Order on the air long after it should have died a natural death !

Moderator: We appreciate the candor, Mr. Thompson, but you still haven’t answered the question.

Thompson: What question…?

Moderator: How did an old coot like yourself manage to get someone as attractive as Mrs. Thompson to marry them? Muff diving? Yes or No, Mr. Thompson…Yes or No?!

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* Note:

Maybe Hillary just should have answered: “I don’t know” on the licenses-to-illegals question. “I don’t know but I’d like to listen to intelligent opinions on the subject before coming to any conclusions.”

She might’ve gotten beaten up on it at first but most of the others--except maybe Richardson--were looking to pounce on her anyway…to satisfy the voyeuristic bloodlust of Chris Matthews, Tim Russert, et al. But after the smoke cleared Hillary would’ve been seen as thoughtful, deliberative, wise, statesperson-like and presidential.

Is that too gooey an assessment…?

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